at the expense of a shoelace

by spin

I talk a lot about being an open book. It’s something that I truly believe, but most people don’t believe me when I say it. I’ve been, for my entire life, accused of being introverted, secretive, and mysterious. I have ideas, sure. Crazy, mixed up, borderline-psychological issues that I deal with on the daily, but they’re only a page-turn away, if you’re interested enough to read on.

Truth be told, though, there are things that I purposely avoid telling people outright. Small details really, that have more of an effect on me than the information itself. I can turn anything into a joke – just another terrible experience spun, as it were, into another story that can make you smile. And why not? There’s not much that anyone should have to deal with, and I can make the most heartbreaking of my experiences read like the most beautiful story you’ve ever heard. Commas, and semi-colons; there’s not much to the science of it all.

It’s not to say that the information isn’t there if you want it, but most people don’t. No one wants a friend that is constantly battling nonexistence with reason and irrefutable logic. No one wants the liability of thinking they should have lent an ear. It sucks, but it’s the truth. You’d never befriend someone who talked about the shit you didn’t want to listen to. It’s easy to argue the counter to that, but consider your best friends now. Are any of them the kind of people who bring you down? No. Chew on that for a minute. So we keep things to ourselves, simply for the sake of keeping people around us.

But I guess I don’t really understand the alternative. It’s not like people are walking around shouting aloud their inner monologue. Or maybe people just don’t talk to themselves. That can’t be right. I can’t be the only person who’s been caught in conversation with a shadow.

What I’m getting at is this: we all have things to hide – embarrassing moments, massive failures, bad decisions, awkward situations, and shaming behavior. Everyone has a secret. Everyone lies. Self-preservation is a powerful defense mechanism evolved in the social environment we live in; survival of the fittest, adapted to the modern world.

Maybe then the mystery exists in being open. Always having a story to tell. Never being scared to laugh at yourself. Cloaking all the bad with a shit load of good. After all, if you wear everything on your sleeve, eventually you’ll need a jacket, just for the extra room.